It’s that time of the year. The leaves are changing, the temperature is dropping, and people are looking for the best movies to scare their collective pants off. Well, look no further than Uncle Mike’s Patented List Of Scary Movies; guaranteed to make this halloween your spookiest one yet. So, sit back and enjoy your third Pumpkin Spice Latte of the day while we take care of the movie selection.
(WARNING: None of these movies are family friendly. So make sure to put the kids to bed before turning one on.)
1.Train To Busan (2016)
Korea has been killing it lately when it comes to making movies. From Old Boy (2003) to Snowpiercer (2013), they’ve been consistently knocking it out of the park for almost two decades now (If you haven’t seen either of the films mentioned above, grab some popcorn and have your self a life-changing moment). But, not since George Romero’s Night of The Living Dead (1968), has there been such a fantastic take on a zombie apocalypse scenario. This pulse-pounding thrill ride has everything you’ve ever wanted in Zombie movie, plus a feels trip that will have you tearing up faster than an onion cutting contest during the height of allergy season.
Now, I know what you’re going to say. “But, Mike! It’s just another zombie movie. It can’t be that good.” Well, my sweet, naïve reader. Trust me when I say this isn’t just another zombie movie. This is the zombie movie.
Can’t seem to find the time in your busy schedule to watch an entire movie? No problem! VHS is the film for you. Well, actually it’s an anthology which means it’s comprised of a whole bunch of little films, each of which are only a few minutes long. So, it’s perfect for busy parents or anyone who can’t sit still for too long. But, make no mistake. VHS is soooo scary, it’ll have you doing that stupid thing where you watch it through one squinty eye behind your hands. Seriously, this movie had me checking the door locks fifteen times a night for a week.
3. It Follows (2014)
It Follows is a horrific tale about the loss of childhood innocence and a slow-moving STD ghost that absolutely hates it when teenagers do the nasty. The fantastic 80’s-era look and soundtrack harken back to the days of John Carpenter’s Halloween as it delivers the perfect amount of shock and dread to keep you on edge the entire time. If you’ve never seen this one, do yourself a favor and head on over to Netflix. Though, it may not be the best choice for date night. Talk about a mood-killer…
4. Eyes Without A Face (1960)
This one is for the classic horror fans out there. Have you ever wanted to see a film so gruesome that it made seven people faint in terror at the Edinburgh Film Festival? Well, all you need is an iron stomach and an Amazon Prime account, and your wish can come true. This classic French film revolves around a young woman who was horribly disfigured in an accident that left her without a face. Her father, a surgeon, slowly descends into madness as he sets out to restore her former beauty by any means necessary. Even murder. This film is ninety minutes of repulsing gore and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone but the most hardcore of horror fans. But, if you think you got what it takes, then by all means. Give it a watch.
5.Silence Of The Lambs (1991)
Now, this one falls squarely in the thriller section rather than horror. But, if Anthony Hopkins’ piercing gaze and legendary performance doesn’t send shivers down your spine, I don’t know what will. Follow Clarice Starling as she struggles to solve her first case as an FBI agent. And gape in horror as she follows the trail of clues, each more disturbing than the last. This film is an unflinching gaze into the evil that humanity is capable of, and is a staple on anyone must-watch halloween list.
So there you have it. All the components for a perfectly terrifying Halloween season. Please, try to pace yourselves. And remember, you can always sleep when you’re dead…